This was the first poem I wrote as an adult, motivated by the healing and inner quiet I felt when out in nature. A vast contrast to the racing thoughts created by PTSD and the intense distress I experience on a daily basis.
During EMDR therapy, I had a flashback of my green Dunlop pump on the tree trunk as I pulled myself up into the apple tree in my childhood garden: this was my "safe space". I realised how much that tree had offered a place to feel calm and regulate the big emotions I felt but didn't have the words to describe.
Poetry is giving me the opportunity to explore those Big Emotions in a safe space and put words to the distress of the inner child and help her be heard for the first time. I am learning to be a parent to myself ❤️
When PTSD overwhelms, I put on those Dunlop pumps again and climb that tree into the safe space in my mind and let the memory work it's healing power...
The Apple Tree
One foot up, I see it now,
Dunlop pump size two,
A Lost memory, there again, resting on the trunk,
Bark smooth, both young, growing together,
Grappling, touching, grasping, clutching.
Arching branch beckons up,
Calls for my grasp, grafting, crafting into a singular moulded lever,
Three small fingers, curled around three small grooves,
Growing together, shaping each other,
Connecting, blending, breathing, bonding.
Up above, pulled into safety,
A resting canopy of protection,
Tender, timber limbs reaching out,
Covering my bruised trunk and distressed mind,
Bearing, holding, caring, enfolding.
Shielded from rain, my oppressor’s rein,
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out,
Roots intertwined with human fibres, absorbing liquid energy,
Refreshing, restoring, renewing, exploring.
Hands on bark, bark on hands,
No beginning, no end, interconnecting,
Strength imbued by gravity’s gentle pull,
Deep reaching into deep, a synthesis of intense light,
Calming, healing, seeing, grounding.
I am here now, the seed grows within,
Emerging from darkened soil, from a darkened soul,
Awaking, growing tall, head high,
A tender shoot, a voice finding the light,
Knowing, loving, growing, leading.
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